This is the day that the Lord has made…. I am Rejoicing!  

OK!  The saga continues!  Up and ready to handle somethings. This weekend was something else.  I am going through the Empty Nest mumbo jumbo.  Children busy and gone alot. I will be glad when I have adjusted.  Because sometimes it is straight up crazy lonely.  Don’t get me wrong.  I have Church.  Well I am careful not to get so caught up with church that I check out of reality.  Meaning.  I don’t desire to hide in the church and substitute people to soothe loneliness.  Pain of any sort is always evident of a place where healing is needed. Embrace it find out why it’s there. Then do whats necessary to get your healing.  That’s growth.  So I don’t want to avoid this unfamiliar place I want to find out more about it so I can go through it and come out of it stronger. It is truly a challenge. I want to call someone just to not feel this but thats like backsliding for me.  I am enjoying spending time with me. Loving me.  I just recently had to cut my real hair due to hair loss.  Yes!  Hair loss and thinning.  I desired so Much to have someone to tell that too.  Just to hear feed back.  No one available. So I write about it. My daughter was so sweet.  She loves the hair cut. I am going to go platinum. I have always wanted to.  Gonna be a big change considering I have a new style everyday.  Hahaha 😂 but thats just me!                    

Happy Monday 

Fellow HIV’ers 

This week was crazy but so real.  I had to pay attention and really take control.  For a minute something have been just spinning.  My emotions all out of wack. Where I am usually in control.  I was loniness was kicking my butt.  But I keep praying holding that pillow.  Going to sleep.  Like withdrawals. 😂 I told God He knows I love relationship and I need for him to send my mate.  The one that will walk the rest of this life out with me. I have a good 20yrs to go. So I need my best friend ASAP.  The next day.  I promise my phone went off with messages and calls from folks I had forgot about.  My ex-best friend picked her stuff up from my house.  I just want my life in order in every way. So when my man,  love of my life show up for real he don’t have to jump no hurdles or move no tables and chairs to get to me.  This phone Facebook email text…. Crazy Madness.  I am a very simple person to deal with when you a real person with me.  No Games,  No Lies!  Just ready! Everyone is not ready for that.  So I have to wait on God!  

But I know with the CHAOS a Change is Surely on the Way! 

Ok.  I am up because I am thinking about dating.  I need to get my love life together.  For real.  Couple of people are flirting but I have just avoided it I think!  Whats holding me back.  I know some nights I am stuck looking at the ceiling saying 🆗 what now. Bet-not call an EX. We definately don’t want to start that mess up.  Listen  a texted chimed in at midnight a couple of weeks ago.  Something told me to stay sleep,  ignore it,  don’t look at the screen.  Well you know I am rebellious.  Looked at it. “How you doing” why I felt compelled to asked who this was, had to solely be a case of “the lonelies”. The person responds. Don’t worry about who it is. How are you?  I thought it to be no problem to endulge a bit.  I should have turned the ringer off and went to sleep.  Laughing to myself!  But no!  I had to go all the way with it.  After this 5min. text trivia my god I started to realize the trap my loneliness had set for me.  I was talking to a guy that high jacked my Thanksgiving, crashed my Christmas and was on the phone with his male best friend when the new year came in.  Then dumped me for his momma when he got a new job @the olive garden. I ain’t hating on his hustle but his relationship game is weak and feeble.  To top it off made sure we were broken up by my birthday and Valentine’s. He didn’t deserve an emoji let alone a “who is this!  Straight madness!  

Well,  I don’t what I am waiting on for the dating thing.  My oldest son kinda shook me up of the Cougar adventure. Yes he was young. I will tell that story one day.  My son said let someone prove themselves. Prove they want you,  earn your attention. Every since then I have just sat down some where and I think I have honestly lost a little hope in the love department. 

But you never know God could do it again!  After all I have been through just to still be able to want to love somebody says alot.  

Love

#salvationafterhiv