My appointments always start off with a step on to the scale.  What a step.  I laugh at myself because I know it can’t be avoided.  It’s bitter sweet.  Get too small you’re wasting get too big high blood pressure diabetes. My goodness I just want to get right in the middle.  But the torment is, what’s the middle?  The last appointment, I can say I am still undetected and it’s looking real good. Except for Don… Don… Don…Don, BLOOD PRESSURE. That means my lisinopril journey continues.  Pressure and water pill.  Powerful little joker.  It will get you moving! If you know what I mean a full bladder don’t stand a chance. But it’s all good.  Diet change, well tweek.

Today was one of those days. You know when you are so busy doing what needs to get done all the while trying Ro keep you mind off of what is really bothering you. It really started last night.  Got myself to go to sleep. Then work up at 3am like it was 10am. Didn’t know what to do with myself.  I put in some gospel jazz instrumentals. Trying to soothe whatever it was it didn’t work.  Well not. For what I intended it for.  But it brought me to a place of sorrow.  2015 my husband passed away.  But what a lot of people don’t know is that he commited Suicide. I found out after he passed that he was dealing with severe mental illness. It broke me to learn this after.  My husband was a complicated man.  He had many demons and many abilities. He was good at a lot of things.  He. Was very generous and very helpful. And he was also very Dark.  We dated a year.  He was homeless when we met at first. Well it was a reunion be cause I new him when I was younger.  Right after high School.  He was living by TSU.  My brother would go to a place there to practice with his group. One day RKelly came to the YMCA to play in a charity basketball game. He was there and we locked eyes.  Don’t remember much after that other than the fact that he broke up with me because I had a kid. 
Well 2013. There he was at the bread of life.  I was there teaching a art class and he was helping people people get a hot meal. Had no idea he. Was homeless at the time. He told me his mom had a house he was living there with her. He gave me his number. But I didn’t think nothing of it. I think I waited a couple of weeks before I called him. 

Forward:

Called my mother and told her I was getting married.  She said don’t. I said I was doing it anyway.  i am something else.  Battles with the wrong people.  By this time Eric had went off on me a couple of time in extreme arguments in public.  Over analyzing every statement I make.  It was chaos.  We had already started counseling.  The sessions were crazy.  He would walk in and was so polite.  You ever heard that statement from Jerry McGuire “You had me at hello”  We he was a pro at gaining the atmosphere before i could say a word.  So counseling was a bust.  he walked out with fuel to the fire of anger he held inside.

Eric was very helpful especially at the local church we met back up at.  No one know that he had Mr. Hyde bundled down on the inside of him.  I think having a wife made him feel that at home Hyde was and should be welcome.  Hyde was too much.  He was violent, extreme, manipulative, verbally abusive.  So over the top you had to literally let him go all the way to the top of the of the mountain (arguing) and let him come (calm) down on his own.  He wanted you you to participate in the the game.  After all you are the problem. Laughing at it now,

Dr.  Appointment was a breeze. Still undetected (HIV) diabetes scare gone. Sugar normal.  Cholesterol normal.  Blood pressure.  High.  Working on that. 

https://www.poz.com/article/island-fever-puerto-rico-HIV