But You Have to Let Go!!!!

I figured out why I was still feeling some pain every now and then.  Like something unresolved was lingering in my heart in my spirit! For years I have been throwing stuff out of my house.  I was getting in relationships and breaking them off like it wasn’t nothing.  But I still couldn’t figure out what was still lingering in my heart.  I was still heavy hearted.  And I mean I was feeling a pain that was unreal.  I would wake up in the middle of the night and just cry til it pasted. I get in relationships and ware myself out trying to take care of the other person and wake up so unfulfilled. I wasn’t enough for myself.  My marriages I woke up everyday proving that this person made the right choice and no one was proving a damn thing to me. They would have Affairs, momma’s was all in our business, baby momma’s, old girl friends. Going to Church believing God that this person was going to work out if I prayed hard enough, served God long enough. Crazy thing about it is that God didn’t have anything to do with any of those unions.  My insecurities drove me right up in to the drive way of a house of Insanity!  Those things were never gonna work out.  Churches, Groups, Ministries, Families.  I was a help, a fixture that was always on the list to be replaced with something better.  I put myself there.

My Childhood… I can’t remember a time I ever heard that I was special. That’s important for a child!

Well, I made a decision February 9th. I am letting go! Letting Go of all of this Garbage. after all the bag you carry around through life nobody knows what’s in them. And no one cares. You have probably forgot some of the things that you put in there.

I realized that I need to be first. From now on.  First for myself. I put me first. I remember my mother telling me “you don’t have any opinions!” Who’s paying you to think!  I laugh about it now but that wasn’t funny.  That mess ruined my life.

Hell but I am letting go!  Now yall can hold on to that old school stuff but it literally crushed me. That beat your children for having an opinion… Keep on! they are gonna catch hell in this world.

But that is just my experience!

To be continued…