By the Water

Something so Calming about Water. 

Is it the Cool breeze that rest on my shoulders.  

I think about my father here.  He use to take us to the dam to fish.  Child I was so excited to watch him bate his hook then stand on the rocks and get to reeling them in.  We would look for rocks and make them skip on water.  I have been thinking about my dad alot lately. Wondering how he could leave so early. I use to have dreams that one day he just walked in the house and sat down. Everyone just sat there like this was normal.  I was the only one that could see that something wasn’t right. Then eventually his body would go limp and he would slide off the couch on to the  floor.  It was crazy. 

I want to go fishing. I wanted a man that could fish.  That I could see the world with before God calls me home.  I have 20 more years before that though.  But I have been feeling like I need to cleanse my life again.  So much to do that I haven’t done.

Someone wants to marry me.  But it’s like is that what I really want. Does that even make me happy anymore?To be married. To be attached to someone again. 

I have not had any good marriages. None. I am at a place where I don’t feel it necessary but I feels like a pattern.  Maybe I am still healing. 

Hahaha are maybe it just a wall of excuses to protect me from disappointment in that area. Alot to think about. 

Down Here by the Water! 

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